The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
