I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
