butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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