It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
