There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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