My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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