She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
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She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
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Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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