just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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