The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
