Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
