i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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