Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
