Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
