Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
