i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
