i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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