I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
