Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
