yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
