Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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