i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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