Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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