toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
