It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He felt like a one man threesome
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
