Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
