I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
