On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
