Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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