At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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