he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
