Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
