i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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