My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
