Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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