I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Randomize
