You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
