If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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