If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
