i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
