Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
