My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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