You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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