We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
