god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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