No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i now understand why vodka
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
