Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
