Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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