My sheets look like a crime scene.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
