It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize