is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
