So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
...so i touched it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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