Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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