Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
