I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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