I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
