I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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