I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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