If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
