we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
