you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
