She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
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Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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