My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
