He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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