Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
