we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize