In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
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She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
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I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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