I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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