non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
