i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
