No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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