She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
