My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
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we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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