i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
