i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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