So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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