she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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