there's paper in my vomit.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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