Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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