I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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