I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
