guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
